I stepped inside the McDonald’s and quickly realized why the old man wanted to meet here so early on a weekday morning to discuss our rental agreement. Every seat was occupied by elderly folk, eating breakfast over newspapers and conversation in different languages. I’d seen a similar view at the park back home, where all the elderly would gather early in the morning for walks and soothing sessions of Tai Chi.

We meet and all professional matters were quickly discussed, and then he asked about my husband and how my pregnancy came along thus far. I told him we’d been married just months prior, and he told me he has been happily married to his wife for 60 years.

“There are three things you should know for a happy marriage,” he said in a slow drawl. “Three phrases. Do you want to know what they are?” I told him to please do.

“‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, and ‘I’m sorry’.”

I smiled. I smiled for his sentiment and his wisdom, and I smiled because my husband and I already knew the power of these three simple phrases. Early in our relationship, I’d established how important saying “please” and “thank you” was to me, as a sign of respect, not only to each other but to anyone. And we’ve had our share of arguments, big and small, to understand the power of “I’m sorry.”

“Every morning, I always ask my wife to ‘please’ bring me my coffee. For 60 years, always please. And I always say ‘thank you’ when she does,” he recounted for me. “And as the husband, I’ve said ‘I’m sorry’ a lot. It’s good to say you’re sorry even when you think you’re not at fault, and especially when she thinks it’s your fault!” He laughed. “When you love each other, you shouldn’t waste time on fighting.”

I understood what he meant. Often people think that to apologize first is to give in, especially if you’re not “at fault.” But maybe instead, sometimes we apologize first because we care more about the relationship than our ego.

I left the old man afterward, feeling content and uplifted. Praying for him and his wife, that they may have more blissful years of marriage. And I prayed for my own marriage – that my husband and I would continue on the road we’d so strongly established.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32

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